Women's Moon Centers 101

We have moon centers! This was news to me.

And it arrived at a workshop in Espanola, New Mexico at the Sadhana Solstice Retreat. The revelation: just how attuned our female bodies are to the rhythms of the moon.

I had always known our general sensitivity to the tides in terms of our menstrual cycles, but I didn’t have a full understanding of the beautiful pattern we move through physically and energetically every 27.5 days.

We have 11 Moon Centers in our body, and we dwell in each one for 2 1/2 days. Every woman’s rotation pattern is unique, and stays the same her entire life. This seems to be fairly basic and essential info about our Being. Yet what do we learn in school? Hardly anything about our own essence, it seems.

The wonderful woman teaching the workshop was Jivan Joti Kaur and she’s written 2 books: The Art of Making Sex Sacred and Dying Into Life: The Yoga of Death, Loss, and Transformation.

According to Jivan Joti Kaur, moon centers are: “Sensitive physical areas located on the woman’s body that are responsive to lunar energies and affect how we deal with our everyday life. ”

I will admit that I haven’t yet charted out my moon centers on my calendar but I have every intention of doing so! However, I don’t think I will check the calendar in the mornings and then have that moon center become part of the reality I create, but I can perhaps check in the evenings for a while to see what matches up — use it as a tool as I get used to it. Use this knowledge as you will and let me know what you think!

After a bit of research, I also learned that Moon Centers are used in tantric sexual interactions, but I know little of this and will instead refer you to this article.

To chart your moon center, we use a pendulum. The premise of a pendulum is that we have an energy field/aura that lies within our physical form, but also extends beyond the perimeter of our personal perimeter. The pendulum is sensitive to our higher truths within that energy field. We can ask it anything we like!

Steps to finding your personal moon center pattern:

1. Find a pendulum of sorts (a necklace does fine as long as it has a heavier than all the others bead/object), and hold it in front of you with one hand, over the other hand’s palm. Focus and center yourself, big deep breaths to bring you present.

2. Say the word, “yes” over and over, outloud or silently — and focus. Watch the pendulum react with either swinging forward or back, in clockwise or counter-clockwise circle. Make a note of how it reacts to “yes.”

3. Do the same for “no.” Everyone’s “no” and “yes” is different so pay attention!

4. You can now ask the pendulum whatever you like, and it willl answer with your “no” or “yes.”

5. Figure out what moon center you’re in right now by going down the list (below) and asking: “Am I in my . . . moon center?” and letting the pendulum answer for you.

6. Go through the list again and ask: “is ….. my next moon center?”

7. “is ……my third moon center?” And so forth!

8. Take out your calendar, and ask “Am I in the first day of my …..”? (whichever you’re in now). Followed by: “Am I in the first-half of the day of my …….” Then you can plot it out on the calendar, following your personal pattern and switching every 2.5 days.

The most important piece to understand with the different “aspects” of your centers, is that if you take care of yourself (your physical, mental, emotional, and energetic well-being) — the positive aspects of each center will be present. The more balanced we are, the more choice we have in being affected and it can become a beautiful subtle wave each month of various strengths. Here is a meditation to help balance your moon centers!

Our 11 moon centers:

1. Clitoris: very social, likes to network and connect
2. Vagina: also social, but deep cavity — tendency to be inward and pensive.
3. Thighs (inner organs also): most organized, to the point of obsession, you make your lists, clean, organize. Best time to do the things on your lists.
4. Navel: most insecure, which creates a lot of pain. Do: breath of fire, navel power sets, meditate, silence, go inward, write, be creative, dance. Don’t: chocolate fest.
5. Breasts/Nipples: most compassionate and heart-centered. Dangerous: might have a hard time setting your boundaries. Most likely to be sensual/sexual - affects whether you want to be touched.
6. Back of the neck - very romantic and erotic. flirtatious, takes risks and not very logical. Not a good time to make a decision but a good time to brainstorm. Not good for planning, meetings, or detailed work.
7. Lips: speech, communication. Words can be uplifting/effective. But if you’re not balanced, words can be harsh and alienating. Be careful or be still! May be most into kissing and erotic expression.
8. Cheeks: most dangerous! We’re crazy. Most emotional, illogical, and delusional. Emotions run away with themselves, say things we don’t mean, pick fights.
9. Earlobes: Self-righteous, connected to our values, more prone to activism and judgmental.
10. Eyebrows: most subtle part of our parasympathetic nervous system. illusionary/imaginary. Be creative or brainstorm and play! Don’t make decisions or go shopping, but dream.
11. Hairline (archline): Our halo. Wisdom, focused. Time you’re most connected to your essence. Great for decisions!

Spontaneity Burst - New Mexico Roadtrip

I don't know many people in Austin as I've been focused on my spiritual/personal development - on learning and practicing the art of happiness!
My closest friends would be Philip, our (well technically his) cat Moisha, and Joshua.
So, as Philip's chasing tornados, on my last day in Los Angeles I called Joshua to see what he's up to when I get back. Turns out he's leaving to go to a Summer Solstice 10 day Kundalini Yoga Retreat in the mountains of New Mexico - at 11:30 pm that night. Camping, roadtrip first. My flight arrived at 11:30 but the retreat sounded irresistible - the synchronisity beautiful, and the spontaneity more than alluring. He mentioned volunteering in exchange for cheaper cost which made the trip sound more realistic as the price is $700. It all sounded crazy, but I called their office late that Sunday to see how the universe would reply to this option: They offered to set me up with either a financial aid scholarship or volunteer scholarship. The volunteer scholarship had a 6 hour/day commitment so I opted for financial aid as I knew I'd be working for Swift Kick, editing Moseley's book, creating a website for my Aunt, and working on a business plan. Well, hoping and trying to be that productive while going to as many yoga workshops as possible and enjoying the mountains.
2 hours of logistics later, I had a tent, Philip overnighting the wireless card, approval from the bosses, 4 people in the car willing to wait while I packed, a yoga mat, ride from the airport, camelback, and had sent checks to "box pack mail" in Espanola, New Mexico so I could have access.
The other 4 in the trip who patiently waited until 2am are Josh, Sophia, Andrew, and Victor - Josh knew everyone, and Andrew knew Victor, but we mostly were strangers and we had ALL decided that Sunday to go on this trip :-) I had spoken with Victor through couchsurfing as we had hoped to meetup based on our similar interests. He was hitch-hiking through the US.
I never quite decided whether to go or not, just kept my options open by packing and well, I was already packed, and they were waiting, so off we went. The old white volvo stationwagon fit all of our gear perfectly, including a box of tuna the boys got in the dumpster and clothes we found at a Goodwill dropoff.
I did much of the night driving and was surreally surprised at the spectacular early sunrise over the desert of west Texas. If only I enjoyed the sunset every morning - what better way to start your day than awe at the beauty of life and nature?
Our first stop was at a springs only a bit off the highway - in a town that looked somewhat if not completely deserted. The signage was confusing, but we found our way, into a natural springs that had fish and rock bottom but had concrete walls keeping it in for us.
I really wish they would just let the spring be natural - rather than messing up the ecosystem like that. It was fun to swim with the fish! We had a half-dumpster/half-homemade vegan food picnic.
We then practiced various yoga poses on the rocks.... on the diving board... in front of the water.. and near the trees, to take fun photos. The other Texan travelers were pleasantly intrigued and friendly about the hippi city yoga group.
The small towns we saw along the way made me wonder how people make any money there - that there would seem to be a certain amount of cash in the town and it would be hard to make more - I tried to conceptualize the economics of small towns. Would companies owned outside the town be beneficial because its bringing money and jobs in ? Most likely not as the profit goes elsewhere. So helping local entrepreneurs sounds like a great idea, but where are the townspeople going to get the money to pay for the services? I've got to mull on this one a bit more as my spiritual focus has temporarily taken away immediate access to my economic wit.
I realized that I would go straight from the retreat to Colorado for my dads birthday and cousins recital... then I have no reason to return to Austin before going to friend/reunion Wyoming party fest at a farm and the National Rainbow gathering is close. After that maybe I'll go visit Philip and Fitz on the road chasing tornados for an NBC show - maybe see if I can help out!
Next stop was Albuqueque, to sleep on the floor of Josh's former roommates house. We slept in one room as the ferret would purportedly be making quite a bit of noise in the other.
On the way I learned that Victor, the belgian, just finished school in Montreal where he was doing a masters degree in sustainability impact assessment... and as i've taken a class on it we had quite a bit to talk about, in half-french and half-english.
I also learned how Andrew went to a sort of free-school similar to Waldorf and we discussed childhoods, and education and how important it is for children to have their creativity, imagination, independence, and choice.
The next morning we slept in a bit, I did some work and they patiently hung out, and off we went to find the co-op and stock up for another picnic but this time at a hotsprings. We went first to a wonderful co-op where I saw a man I'd met at the Austin World Wellness Weekend and soon realized it was a great friend of Josh's. He gave us directions to the retreat but I'm not sure any of us were intently listening enough as we later realized.
We walked to the costume store across the way... I opened the door cautiously saying it didn't seem right and the owner of 16 years came around the corner to explain that you don't browse... she asks what you're looking for and then brings out your options.. she talked and talked... about how her costumes had won prizes... how they're authentic and she's even created a bigfoot costume.
I really like Albuquerque.. there's something beautiful, enchanting, real and alternative about it. Across the street was a metaphysical bookstore.. but though we hesitated we passed it by as we already have many books in the car on such topics.
We drove north from albuquerque and after a couple asking of directions, stopping at waterfalls, losing sunglasses and skinny dipping in their pursuit, we found the hotsprings.... enjoyed scrumptious watermelon and soaked in the hot water despite the heat. The view was amazing - nature at it's best.
Sophia made an avocado-sprouts masque and massaged it into my hands, and victor and andrew's faces - the sprouts floated around the hot springs like bubbles in the water.
As it was time to move on, we got out of the pools and moments later tons of people started arriving. We continued on to the retreat.
We found ourselves in Espanola, with no map, no internet, and no directions. But you're never that disconnected... we called Andrew's mom and directed her to the website. The directions still didn't make sense, so we followed a sikh woman in a turban to the dollar store and i asked her, after explaining we'd just been swimming as I was in my bathing suit and feeling inappropriate in her presence.
And off we went.

We had vague directions and it wasn't on a map.

Face to face with my inner pain

My decision-making mechanism wasn’t cooperating when I was weighing whether or not to go on this retreat. It was a constant back and forth — I need to buckle down and work, but I’m depressed and not productive, but I’ll feel better if I’m productive, but I can’t even get up before noon because I don’t care, but I need the money, but this trip will be good for me, but maybe I’m just escaping, but the retreat is me facing myself rather than just a distraction.

Eventually, I packed, even as I oscillated between worrying that I was running from my problems and loving the spontaneity of it all. I used to travel constantly — crazy and wild spontaneous trips — and living in Austin I had settled down with all its benefits and drawbacks. I even wrote a poem, senior year of college, called “My trips, my drugs” – a seasoned vet at life highs/experiences. It was invigorating to get back to that part of me, I told myself, so long as I do it in such a way that I’m processing my experiences and taking care of myself.

I had gone to the extreme during my senior year – left every weekend, never even unpacked my boxes, up till 4 a.m. every night working or on the phone or biking around or dancing; slept on the couch, didn’t buy books for school, left for the last month of school for my 4th United Nations Commission on Sustainable Development and speaking at the Asia Pacific Roundtable on Sustainable Consumption and Production in Vietnam before going to Brazil to visit my sister volunteering in the favelas (slums) and do a research project on the Clean Development Mechanism’s affect on the pig farmers.

My body started saying no more – I lost my sense of time and my stomach wasn’t literally physically digesting well – a reflection of myself not digesting/processing my experience of the world.

I digress, however, so I’ll return to the roadtrip – and how wary (and worried) I was that I’d regress into an old pattern instead of embracing a spontaneous trip in a healthy, balanced way. In the end, the adrenaline rush of the getting back to wild trips – the reason why friends call and ask, “Where in the world are you right now?” – plus the intense need for healing won over.

With my confusion about my depression I wasn’t sure what I was facing – or least wasn’t yet aware. The roadtrip was healing in many ways in itself, a lovely precursor. There were 5 beautiful beings, Josh, Sophia, Andrew, Victor and myself. I was reminded of my passion for environmental-sustainability through discussions with Victor (a couchsurfing belgian friend who spontaneously joined us), of my interest and background in Waldorf/alternative education with Andrew (a fellow yogic Austinite), and came face to face with my inner darkness.

I loved traveling with others as spontaneous as myself – three of us had decided that day for the trip. We stopped at sunset to take photos and explore an abandoned ranch – dancing on the side of the road without our egos.

Next we ventured to Balmorhea Springs – cold springs off the highway and jumped in the water with the fish. Someone decided to photograph us doing yoga poses on the diving board and rocks in the water, so that it looked like we were walking on water. After having watched the others confidently and peacefully do their yoga during lunch, I felt really self-conscious. I’m pretty sure they’ve all done yoga teacher training. I knew most of the poses that they were practicing, just lacked the confidence to just be present and listen to my body and let go of my ego. I tried to be comfortable and would do a couple poses, then would just lay down to sunbath instead and try not to show my jealously. I wasn’t able to just be okay with my level. I hoped that at the retreat I could be proud of where I’m at and be supportive of others.

I ended up taking almost all of the photos as I lacked yoga-pose-confidence to want to be in the spotlight. Finally, towards the end I stepped up and asked to be in one of the photos – doing Tree Pose on the diving board, something I knew I could handle. The other Texan travelers lounging there were intrigued and friendly about the hippie-yoga group.

Next stop was Albuquerque, sleeping in the living room of Josh’s friend, where after getting in quite late I felt like venturing for food. Victor offered to make me food instead. I felt somewhat hungry, but more felt like I should be eating based on having lost so much weight in the past 6 months. The weight loss wasn’t on purpose, I just started to listen to my body more and thus eat less sugar, breads and dairy. It felt so healthy but my family was alarmed when they saw me so I started to wonder about it. I had a strange response of feeling like maybe I should be eating more but knowing I should just listen to my body- head versus spirit. I felt weird around all these health-nuts eating pasta and sauce late at night before going to bed. I know it’s not good to eat right before sleeping. I do believe that being more spiritual and energetically aware and nurturing myself beyond through the means of physical food, I need less energy from that source. I’ve found that if I meditate and do yoga in the morning I have less need for food to get my energy for example and have less cravings.

The following morning we found our way to Spence hotsprings, on a beautiful mountainside, with 2 pools and the place to ourselves which truly allowed for us to connect with each other. On they way we found white clothes at thrift stores to prepare for White Tantric Yoga at the retreat. It was exhilirating going to the retreat with practically no knowledge of what to expect, with such strange things as White Tantric Yoga i’d never heard of.

The top pool has a small cave, the source of the spring - just enough room for one or two people, with colorful leftover wax from other beings’ delightful nights. The water is quite hot in there and if you’re clausterphobic you’ll surely not enjoy it. I went in the first time and just relaxed, the first thoughts being how wonderful it is to be on the road and how I want to keep exploring in this way. Andrew experienced the cave as going to the source, to nature, and had a wonderful spiritual encounter. So I decided to see the cave in that light - I re-entered the cave meditating on reconnecting with Gaia, our mother earth, and moved towards the underwater stone, the source. I was stopped harshly in my gentle movements by seeing a skull on the stone - I persisted, with positive momentum, desires and focus of reconnecting - and the skull turned to a face of utter agony and each second demonstrated more extreme writhing pain. I couldn’t stand my ground - I turned around and quickly went back to the comfort of my fellow companions, bluntly telling them about the skull but not offering much explanation but a white face.

I was scared – really scared. I had so strongly believed that I was going to reconnect with Gaia, ultimately with myself, that the energetic/physical world in front of me illustrated what I was up against inside. The pain and fear that I would have to move through to reconnect with my light and the light of the universe. I thought about venturing back in, to try and understand and overcome what I was up against – perhaps get different visuals and prove my strength. It had jolted me too much, and I won’t be hard on myself for having just let it alone. I suppose I knew I wasn’t strong enough to face it yet and would wait for some guidance at the retreat.

I still didn’t have a name for the pain, but now I had a second extreme visual of it.
I knew it was inside, thus of course at any time I could have access to understanding what it was that was bringing in such heaviness, but I think I needed the retreat to create the gently prodding open space for that exploration. I knew barely anything about the retreat but it probably wouldn’t have mattered too much as I was so ready to feel better.

As it was time to move on - we got out of the pools to jump in the cool river below and moments later multiple groups of people started arriving - wonderful timing.

We soon found ourselves in Espanola looking for the retreat, with no map, no internet, and no directions. But nowadays it’s rare you’re that disconnected… we called Andrew’s mom and directed her to the website. The directions still didn’t make sense, so we followed a Sikh woman in a turban to the dollar store and I asked her, after explaining why I was inappropriately in a bathing suit in the middle of town, how to find it. She calmly explained the few turns, and off we went up the 8 miles of dirt road until we saw the large circus-like tents.

First day in Mexico...

I'm bemused by pink-white stripped dress paired with blue-white polka dot shoes and $5 grocery store sunglasses as i traipse around Puerto Vallarta. There are enormous seagulls above me, constantly inspiring me to stop and just admire.
To get here, I packed all night, and finally decided to trade 2 hours of sleep for having to finish getting ready at the airport (nails, hair, and legs). 7am rushed to the San Antonio airport to my first row of empty seats (seems to happen to me 90% of the time). As most flights these days I was asleep before they closed the door and woke up with the shuffle of getting bags from overhead bins.
Mexico City Airport is huge, clean, and pretty much like any other big international airport. However, on little sleep, I didn't think to explore much and only 20 minutes before my flight after my 8 hour layover of intermittent internet I paid $10 for, did I discover the huge sparkling mall.
My flight arrived at 9:30 pm and my couchsurfing host Gustavo (from Houston) met me at the airport and helped me figure out that renting a car would definitely not be worth it! I'm used to the independence of cars, and being able to offer rides, be in control, etc - but I'm loving walking and trying to communicate with taxi drivers.
The desert welcome event was already technically over for the arriving wedding guests, but I managed to get in touch with one of my good friends using Gustavo's US-landline phone in his downtown apartment and the party was just starting at Villa Suzanna. The cab driver had never heard of it, but for $17 and after asking for directions and almost not making it up the Milliondollar villa crowded cobblestone streets, I walked through the open door of a 5-story villa with a breathtaking view, pool, hottub, bar, and new and old friends enjoying the ipod-hooked-up music and local bartenders, chocolates, and more.
I came to this wedding knowing... the groom, and 4 great guy friends, wondering how I'll fit with an older crowd - from all parts of the country and the world, as a single youngun comparatively. What role was I walking into?

Within minutes I knew it would be amazing and everyone was so friendly - connections here and there.... Kelly knows Ashley who i danced and hung out with at Mardi Gras 2 years ago.... Fitz worked on a project with my old boss.... and people that I'd met at New Orleans Jazz Fest.... Aspen SneakerBall.. Vegas Birthday Party....Mardi Gras.
Conversations varied from egos and The Power of Now and sleep, to airplanes crashing, getting arrested at the Olympics, Hunter thinking my friends a Thug, midnight roadtrips to Vegas, how on earth the ladies could be reasonable and go to bed hours ago.

The evening ended at 4:25 after my guy friends, the groom, and I had spent hours, the last ones standing/dancing strong, conversing and laughing. It made me smile that myself and my good friends were the last, a reunion harking back to Vegas, Aspen, Boulder, New Orleans.....

There's already talk of how we can have another destination wedding, trying to setup guests :-)

Around noon I meandered out to find the sand sculptor my couchsurfing host was helping out. Apparently this sculptor makes $50,000 in 6 months in tips out here. I can tell why - it was incredible. absolutely incredible. Like a tourist I snapped a photo.

There's a definitive lack of vegetarian food available.
Again, a similar feeling to Vietnam of being a walking dollar. My humanity is tested when I'm constantly approached in such manner - my tendency is to want to ignore them, but they deserve respect and recognition as I can hardly blame them for their position - could I see myself doing the same thing in their situation? Than how can I be rude to them?

My American Tourist "know-how" was properly illustrated when the couchsurfer had to explain how to tell between USDollars and Pesos. The US symbol being $ and the Peso being the same but with ONE line - I was hardly looking close enough to notice. Yay for Americanism - and fortunately the exchange rate is easy to convert ...move the decimal over one spot!

I was dying of thirst from the heat after working a bit in the afternoon but nothing seemed to have fresh juice or Chai Tea despite their menus advertising them.
I ventured into the grocery store and bought: strawberry smoothie, mango, water, mango juice for a total of $4. It definitely crossed my mind to stock up on cheap food in a second suitcase!

I miss my cat.

My Trips My Drug

A poem.. written in the style of Ginsberg's Howl
My trips, MY drug

Part one:

I watch myself plan another drug binge of ridiculous absurd adrenaline pumping crazed trips flying driving bussing running training walking biking with bags and bags and scarves always on the move opportunities galore created, spending earning couchsurfing free and wild freedom freedom freedom chasing

Where my veins pump pump pump with epinephrine trying to out-drive my own record of 20 hours straight stopping only barely for more fossil fuels from foreign countries we keep fighting - feeling guilty as an activist tree hugger but addicted with my tongue burning raw from Redbull and sour candy putting my body in a state of shock

Where I pick up hitchhikers on their way to California to grow medicinal marijuana and live in a tree or fill my car with random people from websites safe unsafe risky business don’t tell my friends - but saving the cost of the trip with me driving driving always control

Where I use couchsurfing to find a place to crash just in case and find myself in my old apartment, the host handing me my W2 forms and other mail - my shower curtain in the shower, he doesn’t like Hunter Thompson but maybe I’ll forgive him

Where family deaths and healthcare woes are brought up harshly by billboards in Tennessee advertising private hospitals like shopping malls, What has our healthcare system come to?

Where I slouch in wicker chair staring at big white feet on the hardwood floor in this apartment without power for days don’t open the refrigerator no hot water the rent hasn’t been paid a gas lamp hangs from the ceiling fan and nothing nothing is open on Sundays in the south not even the 24 hour power outage hotline

Where we lose an hour of time, our cell phones springing forward no warning no desire while dancing lively music, chatting with the accordion player at 3 am about Bush’s latest pretense at an energy bill – changing daylight savings time – the mother effing cherrypicker.

Where I get sad driving into a changed New Orleans, all the troublemakers have come back my friend warned, I no longer have my freedom to gallivant with murders every weekend. It’s alright the police say, it’s the criminals killing the criminals, bullshit I think as I watch the adorable 2 year old who’s only concern is keeping the 20 Thomas trains connected on the marble floor of the million dollar apartment overlooking the river, he’ll be moved soon, New Orleans won’t provide much childhood

Where I realize no one knows I’m in Vienna with my bags lost and a job in Paris in 24 hours with a Canadian actor, the freedom worry and exhilarating wandering around Vienna with my fluenttenyearsago German the plane too pricey the train too pricey the bus just right, 18 hours, have no choice but leave the country without my bags

Where he’s from Los Angeles and he’s from Virginia and they get the pick of the litter the girls the southern belles in baton rouge because they work in movies and are smart - better than New Orleans full of Mexicans who didn’t even bring their wives, haggling with customer service reps, turn my bankcard bank on and raise the limit so I can pay Emma the $640 for the rental car because I don’t have a license or credit card

Where I run into strangers who know my best friends during impromptu 4 am bass parades - it’s late join the parade don’t walk alone you’ll get shot

Where I drive into New Orleans after midnight a month after Katrina everyone in the car naïve - at every national guard post they won’t buy our story we have no map so drive drive drive and we’re lucky stumbling upon the only unguarded bridge - Suddenly we’re in the middle of downtown in a big white auspicious gas-guzzling SUV surrounded by military vehicles what will they do? Keep driving towards the lights the only place with lights, Bourbon street bright twilight zone of people and live music and open alcohol bottles party party party to forget forget don’t walk a block the lights are gone the people dead

Where I’m lost in the midst of little villages in Canada so small nothings open and my naïve American question receives laughs and confusion “which is the USA?” cell batterys dying and my dad can’t find me on the map – I have no map, I never have a map – just keep driving

Where I delight in the largest fire I’ve seen naked dancing music green goodness smoke smoke smoke and find my viola again playing with the voices and guitars up to the stars

Where I meet funny people while walking 100 blocks on sheer ice solo with luggage to play poker with kindergarten friends at midnight before sliding in the direction of my flight

Where last minute I catch a ride to bus to subway to rental car advertise online - rent sportscar pickup craigslist rider girl getting lost pulled over for swerving driving driving speeding 115 to New York city learning what cars are undercover cops almost died - arriving at 6am for roof party with band Zero 7’s off to find the next bar at 8am we get lost and I find central park for a nap at 9am with the families and couples of brightly colored towels the sun shining hot. Back to Zero 7’s keyboardist “will you marry me?” him and a bunch of tequila ask me…I almost move to London

Where I fly to Rome last minute find myself at free Simon & Garfunkel show Coliseum people people food smells full moon energy crying and realizing I can stop traveling around Europe now

Where I fly 24 hours in Portland, 24 hours in Denver sorry parents but we’re on deadline for a book - I know it’s Christmas but it’s fine not much value on that tradition I’m not religious anyways sorry next time I’ll come for longer maybe you could pay?

Where I get all my cities mixed up where am I? Spent more time out of the city I live in - frequent flier miles on every airline haphazardly organized I’m dizzy what day is it do I know you?

Where my sore ribs sore achy neck straining to check whether each car is an undercover cop hurting hurting speeding speeding don’t worry I don’t get tickets or accidents or crashes or run out of gas I’m in control without a map or directional sense don’t touch the wheel I want control

Where I find myself stoned am I dreaming? On the scariest rollercoaster in the middle of the desert thrills not sure I’ll survive but it doesn’t matter

Where I find myself sitting in a fancy shmancy palm suite in Vegas listening to the entire Big Lebowski movie because the TV won’t work with us listening slumped in plush couches visuals visuals never heard so many sounds that cost me $1000 friend never paid me back atrocious

Where I am salsa dancing in Los Angeles best dancer ever from Peru - white dress to stand out, do things differently everyone watching. Still get his emails

Where I find myself obsessed with a sunflower up for days jazz dancing music dirt hot hot people everywhere – don’t drink all the champagne we’ll need it in the morning for early morning helicopter ride

Where I find myself cramming into Josh Hartnett’s limousine – find the private balcony so we can get out of the crowds dirty drunk tourists to watch above throwing beads and beads and the naked breasts

Where I find myself bowling ordering drinks 6am empty lanes zebra pants green gambling hat fluff fluffy white five dollar slippers sunglasses glued to my head protect layer shield from bright lights and reality I’ve been in Vegas too long

Where I fly in not telling anyone but grandma sweet, hiding in the trunk to scare the shit out of dad, melt the magical chocolates yumm under my tongue and Ralph Steadman signs books watching slides reminiscing of Hunter smoking cigarettes let’s drive - get pulled over I passed all the tests, the 3am policewoman gave me her card


Part two:

Where did this come from?

Obsessions addictions manifestations of pressures and expectations from where?

Society who globalizes…move quickly quicker more people competition!
Parents moving moving! No stability! Houses lacking homes lacking traditions!

Expect more want more! Society pressures! Prodigy children – more quicker faster faster faster!

Change the world! Reduce your impact! Change change change now!
Play concertos age 4! Win the Olympics when you’re 7! Learn a barrage of languages by age 11!

Overbooked overbooked schedules! Be the best now – go! Run from school to sports to music to drivethru - pick up your sister driving driving driving traffic blockage!

Society world society! Globalizing further and further reaching tentacles to envelope every culture with fast-food culture!

Billions of people growing more more more! Be better! Stand out! Make a difference! Now now now is the time! No time to wait.

No boundaries! Any country! The world is your playground. Choices choices choices. Millions of cereals in the cereal aisle.
Mobilize globalize internet internet information access access no excuses

Outshine your parents….make up for their mistakes! Do it right for the – vicarious vicarious – make them feel young.

Free Tibet! Save the Children! Stop world Hunger! Save the Rainforest! Stop AIDs! Save the world! People are starving! Dying!

Society with pressure pressure pressure pound pound pounding through every media!
Stop buying! Stop consuming! No more materialism! Get a job get four. Get skills! Do more
Travel experience grow grow grow up into potential

Connect network remember! Thrive and create! Live to love! Make it interesting! Make it unique or you’ll get lost in the sea of Abercrombie & Fitch

Search for more! Discontent….move! Change!

No tradition or homes anymore. Disconnect! No congruency!
Society judging judging shaping! Defining you!

Society, which I rebel against! Society, which I wallow in – get lost in – get out!!


Part three:


Friends, I am with you on the train, the plane, the bus, the bike - mobilization

I am with you,
Rebelling against the expectations, the structure structure one way of doing things – do it right now!

I am with you,
Feeling the pressures of society invading every inch!

I am with you,
Connecting with peers young and old, addicts of all variety – we have that one thing in common if nothing less less

I am with you,
The adrenaline high – the beauty of it washing over us freely lunging forward into bliss

I am with you,
Where the consequences are blurred away into the future, we live in the now

I am with you,
Distract me distract me from reality, from responsibilities and over overcommitments

I am with you,
Without my drug I am lonely, solo in the saltplains of the Kalahari

I am with you,
Happy in my dependency, but don’t tell anyone – dependency isn’t always bad like depending on your friends, know the high – the consistent result

I am with you,
Let’s seek experience adventure thrills together

I am with you,
Avoidance avoiding avoiders huddle together!

I am with you,
Boredom restlessness like being trapped in a cardboard box with floral wallpaper.

I am with you,
Loving the image, the reaction, the smiles and laughs and disbeliefs

I am with you,
Indulging, all we have is the present, indulge more! Extravagance now!

I am with you,
The thrills! The endorphins!

I am with you,
Swimming in delightful nostalgia of past trips

I am with you,
It’s second nature now third nature

I am with you
Escape the continuity, constants, habitual repetition

I am with you
Escaping the present, getting wrapped up in the high

I am with you
Remembering or forgetting – emotions galore

I am with you
I love the attention, the culture community they love me

I am with you,
I love the connection through mutual addiction

I am with you!

The point of the virtual world....

should only be to enhance our real world experience!

Yet instead, we spend hours and hours as if staring at screen is living, interacting, being in the moment - and end in itself.

It should only be a means to make connections, conduct research, plans, organize, for real world experience. There's nothing human about

I can feel my hands drained of energy through electronic contact - feel them hurting, static, burning, my head getting fuzzy, my energy gone.

The point should be to spend the LEAST amount of time interacting with electronics, and the MOST time interacting with yourself, other humans and animals, nature!

One of my new New Years Resolutions will be WAY more efficient on the computer, so as the spend a high percentage of my time NOT using it. Use it soley and efficiently for work, some organizing, tracking, writing.

It's a modern addiction - just like a drug addiction, emotional addictions, food addictions.... and might be MORE harmful than any of them - an addiction to living a lifeless life.

Always excuse to not be yourself

And they are all based on fear.

I was meditating with my (our) cat sitting in front of me doing the same, and wondering about my different levels of being my crazy funny weird self in front of people - imagining how its quite energy wasteful to have to work towards that comfortability with everyone. And that I might not get there with everyone because they might have their own issues going on and not be able to show consistent replies - thus enabling me to create a fear of their response.

Hmmmm, what a silly cycle. Perhaps I could stop it right here and now by changing my REACTION to their response. Being who I am for ME, not for anyone else's response.
Then, I would never have to fear their reaction, worry about getting to a comfortable stage - and it would sure weed through people who won't like the crazy comfortable me more quickly.

That's the trick to figure out now of course. Has to do with self-love and self-confidence - that no matter what I do I will react positively and lovingly towards myself no matter their reaction or other external factors.

What's personal? Anything?

While reading "The Four Agreements: Chapter 3: Don't Take Anything Personally" it was hard for me to reconcile a broken heart with the words I was reading.
So if it's not personal that someone choses someone else over you - then I guess it must have something to do with the person who is choosing?
Perhaps your heart isn't being broken, but you are sad for the lost potential - when you have the choice to be happy that something happened and positive about what the future holds because you are confident and wonderful within yourself.
In my case, it's not as much as a broken heart, but a sadness that another will receive the treatment and attention that I yearned for and know I deserve and was trying to give. Thus it's time or overdue to reach out to find what I'm looking for elsewhere - that I shouldn't be upset that another person recognizes they are unable to be in the sort of relationship/connection that I'm looking for (maybe they are even sad about that) - but I should be happy that they recognized it and were able to move the energy forward towards us both finding healthier and more positive connections.

What about rejection? Is that personal? Hard to see how it couldn't be. Yet, I do firmly believe that nothing is personal. So then perhaps it is the other person's lack of recognition of how great you are - or their recognition of the fact that you wouldn't relate as well as you think - or it's timing - or it's their realization that for them, the situation isn't as ideal or wonderful as you think it is for you. That you may get a lot from it, but they aren't experiencing the same.

Another aspect is that you might think you are feeling rejection - when it might have nothing to do with the situation - but with past associations, or perhaps you're feeling afraid, you're feeling lost, maybe you don't even want to be with that person - you just want to be with someone. Maybe you're worried that despite there being 6 billion people out there, that you won't find another person to relate to.

In the end, I firmly do believe what I read, that nothing is personal. And when anything feels personal, I will be confident that I will be able to look at it from a new perspective or light that will enable me to understand how I am wrong - and how I can take the negativity created - and transform it into positivity.

The right path... the right moment....

Blessed are the moments when you are gently reminded that you are on the right path, whether for that moment, or that second when you are yet again made aware of a recurrent theme - something that gently pops up in various situations over time. When you are ready to listen, you are ready and will pursue with some energy to find out what is lurking behind your feelings and intuitions - new paths, doors, and opportunities.

What a joy.

This evening I went to the Austin Energy Healer meetup group, where we learned about Eric Pearl's Reconnective healing. From my understanding - the energy work reconnects your own energetic body's meridians and grids with that of the earths. Yummm

We also spoke about people who have "problems" with electronics.... lights going off around them, or watches stopping, etc. Scientists have found that those people have been in contact with gamma rays which are only naturally found in outer space.

A recurrent them, coming up briefly mentioned over the past couple of years is the lost Keys of Enoch - a book from the bible that was taken out when, whoever it was, took out anything related to mysticism or quantum physics.

I shall get my hands on it!

An energy healer, able to feel that the growths I was talking about were on the inside of my feet near the ball of my feet, explained how it makes sense they would be there based on my explanation of a lack of ability to release my energy downwards to Gaia - reconnect and ground and center. Sometimes my feet are 4 times their size energetically - and the other day it was moving up my leg more than ever. This seems to be one of the most important things for me to work on right now - releasing back into Gaia, so that the growths on my feet - fibrotic that is - don't become permanent.

He attributed this to a mistrust that I have with Gaia - whether from this life or a past life - and I am ready to explore that and reconnect.

I was relieved to be surrounded by a community of people who, as myself i know is true, aren't interested in pharmaceuticals or surgery - but know that as everything is connected physically and energetically and emotionally - that there are always alternatives to try first. Especially regarding medication! It's the classic problem.... solving a symptom of a problem without addressing the problem itself.

The answer is always within - and within is no different than without, we just choose to differentiate with a "self." Thus if you are truly looking within and trusting yourself, the universe will reply when you are ready to recognize its response.

If we don't trust ourselves - what can we trust?

The profit flaw

inherently within the idea of profit is inequality... that one person can give their energy.... and receive less back in exchange for it... thus the surplus is given to someone else - they are thus receiving more energy than they are giving.... thus perpetuating their power to do so.

I am not saying that those with great ideas or specials skills shouldn't be compensated....hmmm I'll have to think more on this one.

My energetic over-sensitivity

I was a bit bemused and intrigued yesterday by my own sensitivities..

I grew up without television and can't ever remember living somewhere with one (besides New Orleans) that was ever turned on except for movies.
I am already an intensely sensitive person, emotionally and energetically, and combining that with a lack of experience with visual TV stimulation, has the result that I have a whole-body reaction to whatever I am receiving.

I turned on a show yesterday on Indigo Children on A & E - interesting show, with some new information, but mostly old. Regardless, it's definitely worth looking up. The focused a bit on the extreme examples, and could have put in more information regarding the over-diagnosis of indigo children with ADD and bipolar and behavioral issues - thus leading to medication which numbs them of their abilities.

After, I tried to find ABC to watch parts of the political debate.
Flipping through the channels, I would stop when I would see an actor/actress i like (Sandra bullock), or parts of a movie I like....

Each time, something would come up to which my reaction was crying - tears streaming down my face. Not crying from sadness - but a release of emotional energy.
I cried during Mrs. Doubtfire.... I cried during Stuart Little and during What Women Want.

I think I will conduct an experiment - watch bits of movies on TV like I did - and write down what emotions or situations make me cry.
Perhaps it will then help me understand myself a bit better - where my sensitivities are!

OCCUPATION-what do you occupy yourself with?

Every now and then I come across words and realize that I now more fully understand their meaning.... it often makes me feel quite silly, but it's fun.
Like enlighten.... to add light to.
Compost.... comes from decompose...

And more recently that the word Occupation.... comes from to occupy yourself with.

So what is your occupation? What do you occupy yourself with?

That completely turns me off from having an Occupation at all. I don't want to OCCUPY my time with something....

Rather I would prefer to Enjoy my time or perhaps Give my energy to something, regardless of time. Take time out of the equation, and Give and Receive energy.

Or better yet...create an energetic symbiotic relationship with people and activities and places.

If anyone asks me what my occupation is, I will reply that I don't Occupy myself with something - which seems to mean that you distract yourself from doing something else.

Better to have loved....

and lost than to never have loved at all.

I would like to revise that:
Better to have loved and learned than never to have loved at all.

Or maybe just better to have loved! How can loving be losing?

If you lose that love in the present, you have not lost it in the past, it is forever yours. If you love yourself, then you never lose love in the present. If you are open, and unexpecting, you will find external love again. Take the moment to breathe and love yourself - focus inwards.
You will never "lose" love - it is within you.